This section is to be used as a guide only, the caseworker is always there to offer guidance and support.
"Little" never shows appreciationMost children do not express themselves well verbally and are uncomfortable trying to express their feelings. They're not used to letting adults know how they are feeling through words. This is normal for children.
Showing appreciation for others is a learned behaviour and it is something you can help your "Little" with if they do not currently express their appreciation. Encourage your "Little" by letting them know it will be helpful for you if you know that they are enjoying themselves and will let you know to do the activity again.
Lead by example- let them know you enjoy their company and/or an activity that they have suggested. Don't expect too much, it can be a long, slow process for some children. Any paren will verify that getting a child to say "thank you" is not easy.
"Little" never calls
Most children between the ages 7-13 do not use the telephone very much. The telephone is an implement used primarily by teens and adults. As adults we are so used to using the telephone as a regular part of our everyday lives that we ometimes assume children are comfortable with it. Most children find using a telephone very awkward. To expect your "Little" to take he initiative to phone you, may be expecting too much and putting too much unneccessary pressure on your "Little"
Children get discouraged very easily. If your "Little" phones and you're not home and they leave a message and you don't phone back, they may get discouraged and not phone again in fear of failure. When they do call be prepared to carry the conversation. Their call is to touch base with you and tells you that they are thinking of you.
" Little" Shows no enthousiasm
Some children appear "flat" emotionally, no matter what activity you do. Don't assume they don't like being with you. Some children have learned it is safer not to show a lot of emotion because it will make them vulnerable. They may fear rejection if they say or do the wrong thing. Others may adopt a tough "don't care" attitude to avoid being hurt. This may indicate they have been hurt in the past and are more cautious now.
Your "Little" may not have a lot of social skills and could really benefit from a "Big" who can teach them how to react in different situations. Give your "Little" lots of encouragement and don't expect huge changes. Chances are it will take your "Little" a long time before they feel safe enough to relax and be spontaneous. Don't assume you have failed if you do not notice changes during your relationship. Look for feedback from other sources such as the Parent/Guardian and your Caseworker. Be aware of the non-verbal sources of feedback- ie:are they dressed and ready when you arrive to pick them up, do they seem happy to see you.
Your "Little" may be hesitant to discuss your relationship in the beginning. They may feel that talking about someone they value will make them more vulnerable to losing that person.
"Little" won't talk
This is one of the more common concerns for "Bigs". If an "I don't know" or a shrug of the shoulders is the most revealing response you get from your "Little" when you ask about things, rest assured that you are dealing with a normal child!
Many kids find it difficult speaking to adults. Putting feelings into words is difficult for some adults, let alone children. Lettting people know how you are feeling makes you vulnerable and many of our children have learned that being vulnerable should be avoided because it is easy to be hurt.
Some of our children don't trust people easily because they have been let down so many times. Children with low self-esteem are afraid of losing their "Big" so they will hide any information which may in their own mind, make them appear in a bad light. What the "Little" needs from you in encouragement and reassurance that you still be there no matter what the circumstances.
Earning a child's trust is a slow, gradual process. This will be easier with some children then with others. Your "Little" may never open up to you as you might like. Please remember you are in the relationship for he needs of the child and they need your support even if they don't feel comfortable enough to talk. Make sure your "Little" understands you are available if they wish to talk but don't push.
There's been no
changeThis is perhaps the hardest issue for a "Big" to accept. As a "Big" you want to see changes/improuvement in school, behaviour, maturity, confidence etc. Success in this endeavor is measured in inches rather than in miles and you may not see any visible changes in your "Little" during your relationship. The result of your involvement may nott show up until much later in he "Little's" life. Then the fact they have been exposed to another lifestyle and possibly different values can make a difference in the direction they take.
This type of learning takes a long time to internalize and can be very gradual. Try to look at how you are meeting the needs of the child by being a caring, consistent, honest and responsible role model.
Don't agree with home life
It can be very frustraing when you see your "Little" being raised in a manner you do not agree with. It may seem futile tha in the few hours bi-weekly, you can influence what you see as negative in the "Little's" life, just to drop them back home unil the next time you see them. The first step is to realize that things are not likely to change in your "Little's" home life. You need to ask yourself how you can best help your "Little" given the environment they are in.
You will accomplish the most if you can show your "Little" viable alternatives and possible role models without judging or putting down the family and their lifestyle. When your "Little" is faced with choices they will make their own decision. By helping them learn to like who they are, have confidence in their abilities and to trust, hey will be learning wha they need to know to make the best decision they can.
If you stick to your commitment and provide the friendship and guidance the "Little" requires, you will have done all you canand ultimately the decision as to how the "Little" wishes to live their life, will be up to them.
VOLUNTEERS ARE LIKE ANTIQUES...THEY'RE PRICELESS AND HARD TO REPLACE!